A Meeting in Solitude
by dennisud
Summary: Set years after the the Xindi War. An Enterprise crew member tries to find solitude from the Trauma of war and loss.


**A Meeting in Solitude**

**By dennisud**

**Disclaimer:** BTW the character and Star Trek aren't mine.

**AN:**I would like to thank, Jessica, Datexan, and Lurkch for Prepreading this story. You guys rule! ;-)

_'She saw the hurt in his eyes. T'Pol looked down at her lap, obviously trying to formulate an answer. But before she could he stated, **"I'm going to tell you this for the last time."** He took her hand in his and calmed his anger to continue.'_

'That was something I haven't thought of in a long time.' As T'Pol gazed at her lover beside her, she recalled that fateful day.

The last hover train left the depot in The City of Napa, north west of the San Francisco/Oakland area. She wanted to be away from the parties and the dignitaries. She wanted to be alone.

Everything was gone for her.

Her home, her family, her former mate and friend... even her logic.

Even though the Xindi's weapon was stopped, even after the Terra Prime, and the loss of Elisabeth, after the Terralites, The Denobulans, the Vulcans, and the Andorians had unified and formed the Federation, she wanted to just be left alone.

She had used her credits to rent an isolated cabin up in the surrounding mountains so she could have the solitude to gather her mental strength.

She had to regain more control. The lasting effects of the trellium-D had torn down her control, and that alone took her into a self-imposed exile as soon as she was able to leave Enterprise.

Enterprise, her home for so long, yet a home she couldn't stay with. The ship which had seen so much action in the Xindi war, and in the upcoming Romulan conflict, was in orbital dry dock with a six month wait until it was retrofitted, and able to join the fleet again.

T'Pol thought six months was enough to regain more emotional control. So, for that to happen she needed to be away from the overpowering human emotion that was Enterprise and even more those she considered friends. To do this, she had to be away from her colleagues, to regain as much control over her emotions so she could be a better First officer, and Science officer.

That was what she had told herself repeatedly, but deep down she knew there were two other reasons:

Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker ... and Captain Jonathan Archer.

She could not bring herself to tell them of her departure.

So after she had gotten permission for her leave, from Starfleet and more specifically Admiral Garner, she got transportation to her rented mountain cabin, located right on a natural bluff above the lake's edge, she settled herself in. She knew some would try to find her in a location more like her home planet of Vulcan, so she chose a location quite opposite from that.

After pre-ordering her food for the time she would occupy the cabin from the local delivery grocer, she made her way to her secret retreat. later on she would find out it wasn't so secret from some of her crewmates.

After she arrived T'Pol organised the living room area. Her meditation candles, which she brought from Enterprise, were set up in their normal order on the floor.

She was in her traditional robes sitting down in front of them meditating when she heard a now familiar sound ... the unique transporter sound meant that someone was now on her from porch. After the Xindi War, the Vulcans helped Earth forces retrofit more advanced and reliable Transporter systems in which one or two people could be beamed down to a planets' surface with ease.

She sighed took a deep cleansing breath, and gracefully got up making sure her robe was closed, fastened and made her way to the front door.

As she was about to opened the door, she already knew who it was ... she could **feel** him, and sense him in her mind.

"Jonathan."

"T'Pol."

She turned and left the door opened, Jon saw that as a invitation and followed her in shutting the door. He took in the humble, but organised cabin with all the modern amenities as she went to the kitchen area's replicator, which materialised two herbal teas which she took, quietly handing one to him. They both made their way to the cabin's living area where they stood there facing each other.

After a few more moments of silence, "So, this is where you disappeared to. Nice, quiet spot." He nodded

"I needed solitude ...to meditate" T'Pol sternly looked at him making it clear to her Captain her view of his visit.

"I can understand you need to be alone T'Pol. And I'll get out of your away, as soon as I get a few questions answered." He gave her the same clear look.

"What questions?" She wanted this done quickly so she could her meditation techniques to help her gaining more control over her wavering emotions.

He took a sip of the tea and walked around the cabin's living room glancing at the walls and artwork, noting what seemed to be long in the cabin and what T'Pol had added since her arrival. He stopped at the sliding glass door. It held a fantastic view of the lake below and the valley beyond it.

"A beautiful view. I can see why you chose this spot." He then turned and clearly saw the little nuances on her otherwise calm features that she was irritated with him. He knew what he had to do. "Right, I'll get to those questions."

She nodded and she then sat down on one side of the room's sofa as he sat on an upholstered seat facing her.

"T'Pol. Why didn't you stay at the Vulcan Compound? Why go and isolate yourself from humans and vulcans here?"

Her features changed and showed her hesitance. But she looked up intently at him and answered. "I ... couldn't... " There was a pregnant pause as she continued. "Due to my trellium-D experience, my control has slipped over my emotions enough for other Vulcans to become aware of it."

"I did not want my lack of control to become a liability that could affect Ambassador Soval's position, Starfleet, and you as well as the ship. Especially now with the delicate negotiations on forming the Federation's structure and Starfleet's place in it. So I acquired the lease of this property for the amount of leave we were given and left as soon as it was feasible."

Jon sighed. "But, why didn't you let anyone know? I can understand you wanting to be alone to strengthen your control over your emotions, but you should have told us."

"I did leave you a message on you comm, as well as the Ambassador's office and..."

Jon got up and walked in front of the sitting T'Pol, he knelt on one knee so they were at the same eye level. "With all that we've been through and all that we've learned of each other I would have thought a face-to-face talk would have be more appropriate." He was perturbed to say the least but in control. Still he was upset.

She saw the hurt in his eyes. T'Pol looked down at her folded hands on her lap, obviously trying to formulate an answer. But before she could he stated, **"I'm going to tell you this for the last time."** He took her hand in his and calmed his anger to continue. He remembered her telling him before that Vulcans were Touch Telepaths. So after a cleansing breath he said.

"T'Pol, I am your friend, friends are there not just to be your companions, they are there to help you with your problems. I consider you as my friend, even one of my two best friends. So I want to be here to help you. Do you understand?"

She couldn't keep her emotions closed anymore, as she looked up two tears were there and her mouth was quivering, yet she didn't make a noise. Jon simply took her in his arms and quietly held her rubbing her back and rocking her on the couch. Her silent tears striking and wetting down the front of his tunic. Silence, yet the storm of emotion was bathing both of them.

After a few minutes, she slowly pushed away from Jon who silently sat next to her looking at her intently. After she looked up at him she calmly explained, " My control was not the only reason I had to leave."

"Come on T'Pol I'm here. Let me help you." His sincerity was clear. he knew after the Expanse and their experiences with Terra Prime had had neglected his duties as her friend. he made this trip to try to rectify that and to hopefully rekindle the level of friend

"That is just it, I have been trying to stay away from you and Commander Tucker." She said it, now for him to realise...

The look of surprise was evident. "But, why me, I know about you and Trip." Jon had found out after the Xindi Weapon had been stopped, then the loss of Elisabeth, they all had sat down and cleared the air between them. "Is it because ... you still have ..."

He thought, 'Wait she might still be ...'

"No... not for him."

"What? Well if it isn't Trip, then ..." Jon's eyes grew as he realised just who she was talking about. He looked back at her and finally understood. "Then why leave San Francisco and come here, if it wasn't just for solitude?"

She looked like she could literally cave in. This admission was very hard for her. She was taught to keep her emotions under control, yet they were now seemingly controlling her.

"Because ... I could not... control myself around you."

Jon remembered in their talk a few months back of her admission of what had started T'Pol's ill fated affair with his Chief Engineer and his long time friend.

Then after his miraculous return from Certain death at Azati Prime he remembered her look, her shaking hands, it broke his heart then.

Then he thought of something else. "Is it ponn farr T'Pol?"

"Yes... and no." was all she could say.

"What? That's not a real answer." His intense look made her feel apprehensive.

"Jonathan, please calm yourself and I will explain." Her stoic yet pleading look mollified him and he waited for her to go on.

"Due to my lessening control of my emotions, I have been unable to control my feelings for you. I could not be a good First Officer to you, nor a dutiful Science officer when the Enterprise's retrofit was concluded. I would not be an asset but a liability to you or the ship. So, I came here to regain as much of my control to be better prepared to fulfil my duties."

"T'Pol ... T'Pol." Jon interrupted. " During these last four years have you been able to do your duty even with some loss of your emotional control? Be honest with yourself."

She looked at him thoughtfully. "Yes. I have done an adequate job."

"Yes, I agree, that even with your turmoil and problems with Trip, and your feelings for me, you have done an exemplary job, and I expect you back." he looked at her with an emotion she hadn't seen before.

"That is why I..." He squeezed her hand to stop her.

"Let me Finish, T'Pol. I also have enjoyed the more assertive way you have used to put your point across, and the way you have been getting along better with the crew. I think that you would work better on the Enterprise than on any Vulcan ship now out there. "

At this T'Pol's shoulders seemed to slump and he understood. But he had to ask, "Is it the chance that the Vulcans would look down upon you due to the trellium's influence on your emotions?" The look he got from her spoke volumes.

"So... you're ashamed of your feelings for me, aren't you." Her blank stare seemed to be answer enough for him. then he did something on impulse, in instinct.

He lightly kissed her on the forehead, squeezed her hands one last time, and got up. He sighed audibly and started heading for the door. he knew he was the cause of her upheaval, so he decided to leave.

"Don't ... Go!"

She called out again a little more forcefully than her usual tone. He turned around, looked at her and smiled. It seemed that she had her stoic look back, except that her hand was raised to him, beaconing him back to her. What could he do, he sat back down and they took each other in a heartfelt embrace.

What happened between them forged a new bond and a new understanding. They each became the others strength.

Six months later Captain and Commander Archer were on the Bridge heading out to a new adventure and another war.


End file.
